You're Beautiful

I thought it was the end. I thought it was over.
I was wrong. Turns out, it is just the begining.

You're beautiful, Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Not This Time

It kills me to watch.
To see the damage before it is done.
To know what is happening without having to be there.
To be absoloutly helpless.
Knowing how it feels to be alone.
Scared. Worried. Desperate.
Knowing what it feels like to want a way out.
To live just by getting through the day.
Hoping someone would notice and be able to help me.
To save me from myself.
To watch them eat away at my soul.
And again be helpess.
I can't watch this.
I won't let it happen again.
Not infront of my own eyes.
Not to someone i know, and love more than anything or anyone.
Hearing the sudden burst of laughter. Boy, do i remember how good it felt to laugh then.
And I mean actually laugh. Not pretend, but real. A feeling like no other.
But then I would be reminded of who and where I am, and I would go back to silence.
How loud silence speaks. Its unexplainable.
Im not going to let this happen again. Not now. Not Tomorrow. Not ever.
#StopBullyingNow

Change

Its funny how people drift apart.
Relationships; They fade away.
Whether it be a girlfriend/boyfriend type, or just an plain ordinary friendship.
Everything seems to change.
It's not expected that everything will always remain the same.
However, its boggling how so much can change in so little time.
One minute you consider someone your bestfriend, and the next, they can't even remember your name, let alone recognize your face.
People change, yes, we all do. but why?
We grow up, and seperate. Part our own ways. I just find it amusing that we could have all these dreams about our future. People we plan to keep in our lives forever, soon become strangers. I guess they didn't have the same life plans. but no matter how distant we grow from one and other, every single person who entered your life will never leave it. Whether it be in our memory or in reality, we'll always be together. They shaped our lives, made us become who we are. The negative people and the positive, they all changed us, for better or worse. But it's those same people who art the reason you are the way you are today. They are why you are you. And no matter how much changes occur in the future, what happened in the past will always be the same.

What Is Normal?

Today, something hit me. I walked into my English Room and there was a poster from the previous class labelled "Homosexuals". There was a bunch of stickies under it with words. I assumed the activity was "What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word..." Sadly enough most of the words were "weird", "odd", "strange" .. "NOT NORMAL" .. this got me thinking. What isn't normal? More so, what IS?

I never understood homophob's. Why does ones preferences and sexual orientation have to be of your concern. There is absoloutly nothing wrong with being attracted to the same gender. I have a strong opinion on the discrimination against gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals etc. - and that is that its no ones god damn business but their own. Many, not all, struggle a long time before coming out, and when they do, are you really going to make them regret their decision? No, either you support it or say nothing at all.

Watching Lesbian Answers - Jenna Anne really inspired me. - She put it in a whole different perspective, and that was, what if  gay and lesbian was the "normal" and straight was, well "weird"? Imagine how different life would be. Imagine, If you were a boy, and you were told liking girls was wrong. weird. strange. odd. How would YOU feel? Imagine everyone judging you. Imagine waking up in the morning and knowing when you leave the house people will stare. They'll know you're "different". So before you judge someone on their sexual orientation, put yourself in their shoes.

And if you're still negatively judging, then mind your own god damn business and go fuck yourself.

There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. There is nothing wrong with being straight. Or both for that matter, but it is wrong to judge. So don't. Think before you speak. Discrimination is wrong, and I think by now we should all know that. So when you're asked what normal is in terms of sexual orientation, your answer should be "what is normal?"

P.S. I'm christian & im "pro-gay" & god does NOT hate me for it. - I am not a bad christian, and neither are any of god's children, he loves us all unconditionally.

I'm not your punching bag

"  I've been kicked out, Been told im a total disgrace, I've been shoved, I've been pushed, Ive been slapped in the face." - Been There Done That - Hedley

I let you walk all over me. It was so clear to everybody else, to me it was a blur. I denied it. I said you "don't mean it". But in reality, you meant every little bit of it. You laughed when i cried. Why was it so clear to everybody else but me? Why did you do it to me? Why me? I would cry myself to sleep and would wake up in the morning with tears in my eyes. You put me in physical, mental and emotional pain. I will never be able to look at myself the same way ever again.

Im ugly. Im fat. Im stupid. I hate my hair. I hate my clothes. I hate my body. I hate my face. Every body does. No body likes me. Everybody thinks im ugly. No amount of make-up can help me.

""  Tell me what I'll never be, Make me feel broken" .... "The perfection of my frailty, Has been questioned and broken" - Gunnin' - Hedley

This is what you made me think of myself. This is what i STILL think of myself. For all i know, I was never happy. I never went to sleep with a smile on my face. You wrecked me. Damaged me. Beaten me down to the core. I will never be me again. You pushed me to the point where I was unable to look in the mirror. I couldnt bring myself to ever make eye contact with myself. I felt sick just looking at myself, and felt no one else should have to go through that pain.

I don't think you will ever know what you did to me. How i felt. What I've been through. And you continue to smile and laugh. You will never know how much you hurt me. But yet, I will never be able to stand up for myself.


So I continue the day with a fake smile on my face.

First Blog

I've always wanted to be someone who blogs their life. Every little thing about them. Even the things people don't give a crap about. Regardless if people would read it or not, I always wanted to share what goes on inside my head. So this, right here, is my very first blog.

Today I had training, and boy do i regret quitting my last job. My reason being because i disliked the manager? Well it looks like its all downhill from there. I can already tell I'm going to hate this job even more. First of all, its child labour, well not literally. I swear i work with the worst people as well. Not all, but some. And working outside in the rain, are you fucking kidding me? And i know the snow ain't done yet. This is Canada.. it's going to be snowing all through may. I honestly wanted to kill myself in training today. This woman spoke about proper grooming for an hour straight... please fix yourself before preaching a how-to guide to others.

Well if there's one thing i learned today, it is:

"No matter how big of a bitch someone is, there will always be a bigger one."